CreateACat
by Leopardstorm
Summary: This story really DOESN'T need cats. Unless you want the Clans to go to Los Angeles. R


**Haha! Did I trick you? :D This isn't the Create-A-Cats you're familiar with…what do the real Warrior Cats feel about being replaced by cats called 'Fridgefur' or 'Tyretail'?**

**Remember to read and review!**

**Leo**

**Create-A-Cat**

"Firestar, dinner's ready!" Sandstorm called to her mate as she laid plates of vole stew on their table. Squirrelflight burst in, her tail raised high in the air as she sat down at the table, Leafpool miserably following and sitting at the very end of the table, away from her family. But no sign of Firestar.

"Firestar? I said dinner's ready!" Sandstorm yowled again, her voice echoing shrilly through the air. "Where are you?" The ginger coloured she-cat padded through the corridors of their den, looking in every room for the flame-coloured tom. Eventually she reached the study, a strange groaning sound being emitted from behind the door. Gently, Sandstorm opened the door to see Firestar, drenched in saliva on his PC chair, rocking back and forth with his eyes doing an odd flickering motion.

"Firestar! What's happened?" Sandstorm rushed up to her mate and licked his saliva-covered cheek (immediately regretting it). "Talk to me!"

"We've been…" he gulped and then lowered his voice. "replaced."

Sandstorm waved her tail, "our fans love us! Do you know how many letters we get every day?"

"But we had thirty five less today than yesterday. And fifty less than the day before that! And I've found out the reason why!" He gestured to the monitor. "It's so evil, not even Tigerstar's kidney could come up with such a diabolical and convoluting plan. It's called…Create-A-Cat."

"Create-A-Cat?" Sandstorm repeated.

"Yes. You see, there are some fanfiction writers who have gotten completely bored with us. So they set up a 'story' – which is against the fanfiction code, might I add! – to ask people for suggestions for cats. That's why. We're boring."

"No…it can't be true…" Sandstorm started to shake.

"It is! But you can see why though," Firestar started to sob. "We actually need an excuse to fight now, and now that Briarlight is injured, they're just getting bored with exactly the same storyline as we had with Cinderpelt. Soon they'll be putting us out of a job!"

"I can't back to waitressing at the Leaky Cauldron again!" Sandstorm screeched. "Do you know how much I got whipped by Hagrid when he was drunk?"

"And there is no way I'm going back to Far Far Away…I don't even look like Puss in Boots – why would I be the stunt double for such a conceited, smelly, rich boy like that? Those days are behind me…I'm going to protest to the website creators." And with that, Firestar got up and dragged Sandstorm by the eyeball to the Highledge.

-x-

Squirrelflight and Leafpool had already died of hunger by the time their parents came back. Shrugging, they jumped onto the Highledge together and pressed the new horn they purchased from .uk (do you see the pun?) to catch attention.

"Comrades, it is possible that soon, we will all be out of jobs." Firestar hung his head.

"What?" Berrynose sniffed. "How can someone so sexy and hot like me, ever be out of a job?"

"Well there's always prostitution," Mousefur commented drily. Berrynose shut up after that.

"Anyway, readers are replacing us with cats with such stupid names! Why on earth would a cat know what a telephone box is? And don't even get me started on the iPod one. We need to fly to Los Angeles – and protest outside Xing Li's door. With picket signs. And big foam hands. Who's with me?" Firestar roared.

"Us!" The Clan roared.

"We leave tomorrow night."

-x-

"Can passengers on the flight to Los Angeles using British Airways, please go to Gate 41 to board," the dull monotonic voice came across the tannoy.

"Come on Clanmates," Firestar growled under the weight of a newspaper and several gossip magazines he was carrying in his mouth. "Let's show the Li dude what we're made of!"

"Firestar, you almighty grace," Brambleclaw ran up to Firestar, panting for about ten seconds before forcing himself to look up. "Berrynose is refusing to go whilst the pretty Spanish she-cats are still here looking nice. He says it's his chance. And where are Squirrelflight and Leafpool?"

"Oh they're dead," Firestar mewed nonchalantly whilst dropping 'Goodbye' magazine. "Berrynose can stay if he wants, but I'm docking him twelve voles from his eating allowance. If he hasn't broken that enough already…"

-x-

"Mummy, why was Daddy rubbing his tail on those pwetty ladies?" Molekit mewled innocently as the plane took off.

"Because your father is a big headed moron, and I still can't think of the reason why I let him take me into the forest that night…but then I wouldn't have you tw-OW!" Cherrykit poked her in the eye. Poppyfrost sighed.

"Does Blossomfall have to press that button every waking moment? The drink lady is already there!" Dustpelt growled whilst reading 'Alright' magazine.

"Because it's a mating call for squirrels," she mumbled. "Can I have a vole pwease?"

"Um…" the stewardess looked uncertain. "I can give you alcohol?"

"Rock on!" Blossomfall grabbed the vodka and downed it in one go. She consequently belched.

"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round…" Cloudtail started singing really loudly. Everyone groaned.

-x-

"Well, I think this is the place…" Firestar looked up to see the 'W' in the Hollywood sign. "Mr Li? We want a word!"

Soon enough, Xing came to the door. "Huh?" he yawned. "Stupid prank callers…" and he headed off for bed again. But Sandstorm wasn't going to take no for an answer. She got a huge model of Justin Bieber and charged at his front door which caused the whole sign to come crashing down.

"Okay, okay, what do you want with me, you silly teenagers?" Mr Li groaned as he opened the now non-existent door.

Ferncloud quickly made a light-up sign for him to read – WE ARE CATS NOT SILLY TWOLEGS! I HAD THREE LITTERS FOR THE SAKE OF FICTION AND NOW I MIGHT HAVE TO GO BACK TO CABLE TV! Unfortunately, because it was raining, the sign short-circuited and turned into – ERASE TREE TAKEN NOOO.

"Fail." A random person shouted. All the cats got flattened by Jorgen von Strangle's dog. And the moral of the story is – Never make a sign that doesn't work.

**See what you did to Firestar? :**

**Review!**

**Leopardstorm**


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